“Why”, my new single, of a “classic” song I wrote 15 years ago.
The message is still relevant for me. Speaking to the irrationality of the human condition, our duality or rather –multifacetedness–, the desire to taste good and bad, that one does not exist without the other, and, there is no hierarchy. There is beauty in pain we inflict on ourselves and others and that is ultimately what I’m trying to capture in this song.
When I wrote the first version of this song, I channeled something that I did not yet understand. It was born out of a very toxic pattern that I had with myself, my sexuality and more specifically my relationships with men. I realize now that the pattern progressed from early childhood experiences which formed me into who I am today. Rather than blame myself or others, I become aware of the transformational power of those experiences, therein lies the beauty in the toxicity.
I have no regrets and I embrace all my sides, all my demons and my desires. Each day that I am here still, my awareness is ever expanding.
I still haven’t quite figured out how to break the patterns necessarily but I am aware of them and there is no regret. I’m still alive and healthy and young and powerful and so everything just gives me greater perspective. I think when we push ourselves to extremes, we as a result develop empathy for those that find themselves in those extreme situations. We’ve tasted it and even though it was mentally destabilizing or physically painful, it allowed us to grow towards whatever heightened consciousness we may have the opportunity to develop, God willing, given that every moment is a gift.
The tug-of-war that we have been conditioned to make into a hierarchy “the good over the bad” / “the white over the black”, it’s all one in the same, necessary parts of our Life experience. Our pursuit of perfection is just a distraction, the imperfections make us unique and push us to grow as long as we don’t wallow in self critique.
Credits
WHY (aka So Irrational)
(2020)
Composed, arranged, performed, recorded and mixed by Razteria (Renee Asteria Penaloza)
Mastered by TrakWorx @trakworxmastering
Picture by Baidi Kamagate @im_baidi @le_noir_pxSpecial thanks to the original musicians that recorded the first full band version (So Irrational, from Album “Caras de Agente Doble E” 2007 ) with me in Buenos Aires, Argentina in 2006. Matias Martyn (original engineer) @matimartyn / Manuel Lugea (drums) @manu.luge / Pedro Olcese (original bass) Lucas Detone (original guitar).
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